One of the main reasons that I started this little site was that I was frustrated. Mind numbingly frustrated. You see, for the past four months I have been doing what I lovingly refer to as “doctor ping pong”. The game of being sick, but the doctors have no idea what to make of it. Blood work, tests, and ultra sounds…oh my! The doctors hem and haw and suggest I see another “specialist”. The moment of clarity and insanity came when they decided to start testing me for Ovarian Cancer. Words that no woman wants to ever hear. The part that drove me batty was the waiting…..for a week. A week of walking around wondering if my lady parts were conspiring against me.
During that time of what ifs you start to get a very clear vision of what you want, what you don’t want, and what you will put up with. Even without a diagnosis you start to make out your survival plan. It was a fascinating look into my life, let me tell you. And one of the very first things that came flooding out of me was that I wanted to write again. I wanted to share my stories, and all my questions, and create an expression of everything that surrounded me. Good, bad, ugly, hilarious, and uncomfortable.
That thought stayed with me even when the results came back negative. Even now, as I am about to head to my third doctor, and get ready for more tests next week, I want to start exploring my world. Even now, I want to start talking about everything.
Because I can’t be the only one. I can’t be the only gal who has a “waiting week”, or who has had a doctor look at them with a side eye and say “maybe it is just stress”. Stress, the word I despise. The word I think should be eliminated from every doctors vocabulary, or lazy prescription pad. I have been here before, and this time I don’t want to be silent. This time I want to open and share what I am learning with all of this mishaps.
So, my story will begin now. God knows I have a lot to say.