It has been almost a month. It has seemed like a decade. I wish I could gush about how easy the recovery has been, and how I have bounced back with ease. But, that would be a ridiculous exaggeration. In truth, it has been a very slow climb back to feeling healthy, or even somewhat normal. The surgery and its intensity was abit more than my body could stand. So, like any good obstacle, I was thrown against some very sharp setbacks.
- First, there was the infection at all four incision sites. This caused four days of “I want to rip my skin off” itching. Mike threatened to tape pot holders to my hands to keep me from scratching. I begged to be knocked out. The moment of true desperation occurred when Mike went to hug me, and I tried to rub up against him like a rabid dog to relieve the itching. Ahh….a moment for the scrapbooks!
- Then, there was the double dose of hard core antibiotics that threw my belly into a permanent state of nausea. Even the look of food sent me into a queasy state of misery. Silver lining….10 pounds lost.
- And last, but never least, the aching and often excruciating pain from the surgery. Or, as my doctors like to say “Your body is just putting itself back together. Give it time, and take some Percocet”. Thanks.
Patience is not my strong point, and this has been the ultimate test. Yet, I am so glad that I can sit here, 5 weeks later, and say that I am slowly but surely finding my way back. I started work again this week, and the time off has given me a new verve that I was missing. Ideas are flying out of me, and I feel hope again. Hope. I feel hope.
One of the things that I have always valued most about myself is my perseverance. I keep trying. I keep fighting. I look a failure in the face and say “Thank you for playing. Now we move on”. Yet, this past month has tested every ounce of my fight. The nausea, the pain, and the exhaustion have at times become the monster I couldn’t fight. Until last week. May 16th. The anniversary of my daughters passing. I was reminded that I had fought the biggest monster of them all. I had survived my daughter, and grown from it. She inspired me. She taught me what it meant to be a woman, and to be a partner. Mike and I are here together, loving each other. Three years later I am still here. Three years later and I love the life I have built. I battled the biggest monster of my life and won. So, these setbacks? Yeah, I got this.
I have overcome, and will continue to overcome. Stronger. Wiser. Braver.
And, 10 pounds lighter……